hmm it is obviously O2.23.O9 at 12:45am and i am up listening to Jordin Sparks "twO" right now it has been on repete since 8:15 pm and teh play count started off at 61 and as i type it is playin for the 1OOth time =/ so much has happened in this weekend and over all in the past year and a half that i WANT MY OLD LIFE BACK.

the tittle if my page STRIVING For Serenity
is exactly how i feel,
there is no more peace or tranquility
i can not even fake those emotions

[song played # 162]

Gritty Reassurance- is the truth in plain black and white and somehow the words I type doent lie to me it is the only way to speak the truth to my soul

[song played # 163]

i dont know what this is that i am going through
since O2.18.O9 i have been up like an insomniac
wen night O2.18.O9 2:45 am -( thur morning)
thurs O2.19.O9 6:OO am - (friday morning)

Fri O2.2O.O9 7OO: am - (saturday morning)
Sat O2.21.O9 5:45am - (sunday morning

[song play # 164]

O2.22.O9 currently up smh 12:59

i am only lucky because i do not have my 1Oam class but i have a test at 1:OO and i CAN NOt seem to focus on what i need done fuck man i hate this feeling the song lyrics is exactly who i am struggling to be

[song play # 165]

'"searchin for lyrics"

[song play # 166]

I am a college student who on the outside is well liked and friendly and i have such a caring heart i was never materialistc because all i really wnated and still desire is quality time. That is the only thing i feel is truly missing. YES i have friends and we hang out but when there are couples who are walking around hodling hands int he dinning hall eating or what ever they do i hate the feeling i get its a feeling i hate and that is something i can say i hate [song play # 167] its like i have been always been missing something. the sense that someone cared enough to be with me to put everything else in there world aside to share mine. if you havnet noticed my main pic i am smiling but if you have ever read a piece of my writting it 95% of the time is sad. Itmay never start out that way but it definitaly ends that way. I tend to have a way with words, i am what you call a poet but i am startin not to believe it a POET is someone who writes as if they [song play # 168] were painting a mural or constructing a mural that finished product then is broad casted in cafes, coffee shops street corners, schools, or in pages of recycled printing paper, in the back flps of woarn out notebooks. me me i am nothingf that sort. i cnat even stand up and recite the words i have become famillar [song play # 169] with in my soul i gues you can say it ok not every one is cut out to preform. my scap goat is ::

With iTunes on shuffle she patiently waits to hear something positive
Nothing can comfort feelings of anxiety
Smiles only tell of temporary happiness
Although many seek to fulfill what
They think she is missing they can not
Even though she had tested a few
None can meet her expectations

With frustration and anger 
Filling her lungs she wants to scream
  Her heart pounding is what
Let’s her know she is alive

And without her permission the words over flow

“I have good news and bad news which one does u wants first"
Just give me both she feared for the worst
But what she heard was just as equivalent

Bad news is court didn't go well”

She typed as fasted as she could

“Not well as in he has to stay there, no more going back and forth?*

No not well is he has another court day and its heading 2 trail

  Her mouth got dry not being able to process it all
This only meant she would be waiting
Waiting and wanting to be apart
She only knows this is the beginning to start over
With the fright and arguments and a longing to be close
To someone she believes is scared of the possibilities
And all she can do is hurt him time and time again
With the physical
And his damage to her is emotional
Yet they are like magnets 
They know the pain
They cause each other
But cannot let go
Because her world isn’t complete
Without knowing he is real and
Everything she felt wasn't her imagination

  i learned so much about my boyfriend today it is crazyyy after al the yelling and screaming we spoke about our past  and i know where we need to make moved towards

 words i need to hear I LOVE THESE PEOPLE !!! SERIOUSLY

Kiessa: i love u asia my good friend one i love 2 annoy jus 2 let u kno i did my thing 2 nite it was 2 sold out shows well nite and if u want text me love yah miss u sooo much